Mommy Has Bad Days Too

One of the hardest things as a parent of a child on the autism spectrum is hearing people say "but he/she seems fine". I just want to say, well they are fine. But they have good days and bad days just like the rest of us. And I have learned which places/activities will help foster good days and happy moods and which things will not. And like any too-busy, overwhelmed, stressed out mother would do, we try to avoid the not-so-happy places. But it has taken me four years to get to where we are now and to give my children the least-stressful, most fulfilling life possible. Chances are, if someone is saying "he/she seems fine", we are in a happy place. So of course my kids are going to be on their best behavior. What those people don't see are the bad days, which seem to be getting fewer and farther between...or maybe I've just gotten used to them. They don't see the tantrums when we go somewhere unexpectedly or when I don't tuck her in the right way or put the right movie in. They don't hear the yelling when I drive a different route to school or when I let her food touch on her plate or when I try to brush her hair or get her ready for school. Luckily, we are overcoming those things one at a time, but when people say "he/she seems fine" it belittles how much progress we've made. It could also be seen as a sign of HOW MUCH progress we've made, and on some days I do look at it as that, but not today. I AM thankful for all of the progress we've made, but I also know how much further we have to go.

If you look closely, you will see Karys in the background against the window. There is nothing wrong with this picture. I have seen Karys do this many times when I visit her school or daycare, and she is probably happy as can be playing by herself with some little plastic toy animal. This is how I usually find her when I visit or pick her up...playing alone. Not participating in the activities that most of the other kids enjoy. Most days this does not bother me. I know this is just part of her personality and it's what she enjoys and she's happy. But today is different. As selfish as it may be, someday I want to see her just sitting at the table painting with the other kids. And loving it. It seems like such a simple thing that most parents probably take for granted, but it would be one of the best days of my life. She loves to paint and draw and she's actually very good at it, but I know the reason she will not participate is because of the social aspect. If I brought out paints at home she would light up. In fact she even asks for the paints if she sees our art bin. So for the people that feel like saying "he/she seems fine" to me or any other parent, please try to remember that you don't see the whole picture. The moments of our lives I share on my social media are the good times, when everyone is smiling. I don't stop my kids in the middle of a tantrum to take their picture. You don't see those times, just as I probably don't see the hard times in your lives. So please don't underestimate our struggle.

k.