Tuesday, December 31, 2013

What am I doing here???

What better way to start off a new year than with a new blog?? I can't say I live the most glamorous life or that I can offer any more insight into life than anyone else. BUT, maybe one person will get something out of my ramblings (even if that person is me), and that is enough. Notice my tagline says "learning to LIVE the life you were least expecting" and not "learning to LOVE the life you were least expecting". I chose those words very carefully because 1) it always rubs me the wrong way when people say "I'm so in love with my life" or "if you think happy thoughts you will BE happy" and 2) I chose the words "least expecting" because it sounded better than "given". While I don't go around shooting flowers out of my ears, I also know you will never get anywhere if you keep viewing your situation as a prison from which there is no escape. It may feel like that some days, but the goal is to slowly dwindle that feeling down from consuming 80% of your thoughts to around 10-20%. You may never reach 100% because, let's face it, everyone has days they wish they were someone else, or were someWHERE else. I also chose to NOT say "given" because, be honest, you at least probably  HELPED direct your path in some way. I know this is not the case for everyone, but for the rest of us, we probably contributed to at least a few of the paths our lives took. In my case, I CHOSE to begin and end certain relationships. I also CHOSE to let people into my life that didn't have my best interests at heart, and I CHOSE to have kids. I did not choose to be a single mom, but I did CHOOSE to have kids. But, for all of those choices I made that contributed to my current situation, I made equally as many GOOD choices. I CHOSE to attend and FINISH college. One of the hardest decisions I've ever made was the decision to move back to Oklahoma in 2009 when I was pregnant with my daughter. I can't say it led to a happy, perfect life, but it DID lead me to a great job that has lasted over four years now and has allowed me to provide for my kids and myself. THAT is a blessing. Even if that is the only thing to come out of moving back, it was worth it. I also developed a relationship with my grandmother during that time that still holds today, and I will be forever grateful for that...and I think she will be too. So, that was a really long way of saying: while you may not always LOVE your life, it is in your best interest to learn to LIVE it.