Friday, February 13, 2015

How Do I Do It?

I get asked all the time, "how do you do it?" I got asked that question when I was a single mom of one. I got asked it even more when I became a single mom of two. Then even more after they were both diagnosed with Autism. I've never had a good answer for that question. And not because I don't know how I do it, but because some days I DON'T do it. Some days I am a good mom. And some days I'm not. Of course on the days I don't feel like being a mom no one usually sees me because I'm hiding in my bed. No one sees those days. But every mom has them. Even moms of typical children that have husbands for support. Everyone needs to go into hiding once in awhile. But I've been reflecting on the whole "parenting" thing a lot lately, and I think a good answer to that question is that even on the days I want to hide, I still get up the next day and do it all over again. Sometimes I miss a beat, but I keep singing the song. (Not literally of course. No one wants to hear that.) I'm not the only person in the world that's life didn't turn out the way they'd planned. I'm not the only single mom. I'm not the only person that hurts.

I remember being asked the same question anytime I reached a goal or accomplishment. "How do you do it?" I always remember thinking "I did it because I wasn't scared. Because I had seen people before me do it, so why couldn't I?" While I don't think people should take that same approach to deciding whether to have children or not (you should be very afraid), it did work for me in almost every other area of my life. But I did make the choice to have my children, so now I am choosing to put on a brave face (almost) everyday (and faking it the other days). Are there days when I think maybe I should not have been trusted to raise little humans? Of course! (Lots of them). But there are other days when I think "we're alright...we're doing alright".


A trip to the candy store