Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Just Another Bump in the Road

Okay, today I'm getting back to the "roadblock" post I promised you last week. I am sure this topic will come up A LOT on my blog, since it is part of my family's daily life, so I will try to keep this entry somewhat short.

Let me start here: my daughter, Karys, was born March 11, 2010, and a week later our house sold and we had to move. That experience would end up becoming quite the habit for the two of us. Since she was born, we have moved six times. SIX times in not even FOUR years. The move from Oklahoma to Ohio was our sixth move. As I've said before, moving to Ohio was a BIG decision for me, not because I didn't think it was a good idea, but because it would be yet another change for my kids and me. A BIG change. Good, but BIG.  It took me a year and a half to make the decision. During that year and a half, I slipped into the worst depression of my life. Maybe it was postpartum depression, maybe it was just good ol' regular depression, but whatever you want to call it, it was bad. So I knew I needed to make the move and at least give Ohio a chance. I never dreamed everything would fall into place so easily for us here. My parents are like another set of parents for my kids. They do everything from changing diapers, to shuttling to daycare, babysitting, you name it. We also have my sister and her husband and their three kids, who are entering their pre-teen and teenage years. The support we have here would make anyone ask what the HELL took me so long to decide to move? Well, like I said, I was worried about not providing stability to my kids and that that would somehow affect them negatively. Also, I wanted to give their dad a chance to be a part of their lives before I made such a huge decision that would impact his relationship with the kids (or lack thereof). And I was worried my company would not approve my request to work from home and I would have to look for a new job, which I wasn't ready to do.

Since arriving in Ohio, with me working from home and sharing household responsibilities with my parents, I have had much more free time to spend with my kids. I don't have to waste time getting dressed in the mornings or doing my hair, putting on makeup, dropping off and picking up kids from daycare, commuting to the office and back everyday, etc. With all the attention my kids were getting, certain things started to become apparent to me...particularly with my daughter's development. Of course I had noticed throughout her life that she had never said certain words or phrases other kids her age (and even younger) had already learned. And I noticed that she liked to "read" telephone books, and didn't really play with other children. But she knew her alphabet by 2 1/2 years old and her motor skills were great, so I had always brushed it off. She's just shy or stubborn, or...I ran out of excuses. By the time we moved to Ohio, she was 3 1/2, well beyond the age kids typically start communicating with their parents and peers. She could recite entire movies by heart and even act out every scene! Yet, she never said "mommy, I want  a snack" or "mommy, I'm thirsty", or "mommy, i love you".

I started to express some of my concerns with the kids' previous daycare director. She recommended I call the public schools or Head Start here in Ohio and ask them about developmental screening. So, the next day I picked up the phone. I thought it was a long shot. I thought: public schools aren't helpful! They don't really care! And especially not about a three year old that just moved here from out of state. Boy, was I wrong. The School Psychologist answered the phone, and after I expressed a couple of my concerns with Karys to her, she told me that the school offers developmental screening once a month for all children over three years old and they would be happy to meet with Karys and observe her. We set up an appointment for her and another specialist to come out to our house the next week. I didn't even have to leave the house! This was going far better than I expected, but I still wasn't sure how all of this would turn out. When they showed up to observe Karys, I was pleasantly surprised. They were so sweet and cheerful, and genuinely glad to be there. You could instantly tell this wasn't just a job to them. After the initial observation, we set up several other appointments so Karys could be observed by a Speech/Language Pathologist, Occupational Therapist, among others. Less than one month after my initial phone call to the school, on November 8, 2013, they had come to a conclusion: Karys showed developmental delays in the areas of communication, socialization, and adaptive skills, and may have some sensory issues as well. I scanned the entire document looking for one word, and finally, I saw it: Autism. It wasn't an official diagnosis, but their observation showed Karys was "highly likely" to have Autism. I can't say I was surprised, but I was in shock. Not because I wasn't expecting it, but because, as a parent, nothing can prepare you for that. And because I was so angry with myself for not trusting my instincts sooner and realizing that all of those "cute" things she did were signs.

The great news is that they placed Karys in one of the PreK classes that very week! I was a little upset that we didn't get to do the traditional "back to school" routine like other families and enroll her in August after her 4th birthday in March, but I did not want her to wait one more second to begin receiving the help and support she needs. She gets all the attention she needs from her teachers, a Speech/Language Pathologist, and an Occupational Therapist right there at the school. That was in November. It is now January and she LOVES school. It is honestly the best thing that could have happened for us at this point in our lives. We are still at the very beginning of this journey, but that "bump in the road" turned out to be a starting line for us. And we are giving it all we have.

k.

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