Sometimes I try to remember what life was like before my kids were diagnosed with Autism...

Sometimes I try to remember what life was like before my kids were diagnosed with Autism. Before the talk my mom and I had in the kitchen wondering what was going on with my daughter. Wondering why she wouldn't talk directly "to" us, but rather "through" us. Why she wasn't interested in making friends. Why she wouldn't say "mommy" or "milk" or "snack". Then 2 months later, realizing my son had lost all of his words. I now have words for these things: echolalia, regression, Autism. Spectrum. Disorder. Back then, I had heard the word "Autism" but I had very little idea of what it meant. Now, not even 2 years later, I can tell you the most widely-used, evidence-based interventions. I can tell you all of the other challenges that sometimes come along with Autism: words like anxiety, mood disorder, ADHD, OCD. I can tell you what books to read, what websites to research, and how much you will need other Autism parents in your life. I can tell you how hard the right teachers and therapists will try to help your child(ren). I can tell you that the chances of your child making progress are probably really good (even if it's slow). I can also tell you how much progress YOU will make. Not just by learning about,researching and advocating for Autism. But in becoming a better version of yourself.

When I try to remember what life was like before my kids were diagnosed with Autism, what I remember is how selfish I was. We all have our own struggle with selfishness; some more than others. To my credit, I have been there for my babies everyday since the day they were born. I have provided them shelter, food, love...all the basic needs. But, until recently, I never saw things from their point-of-view. The past five years were pretty rough on me, and most days I was more worried about my own feelings so much that it overshadowed their feelings. [Enter Autism diagnosis]. My daughter has a lot of problems with emotional regulation. [Enter stacks of books on this subject]. As I kept reading, I saw a theme emerging. [Spoiler alert]. The secret to helping your child learn to regulate their emotions is to take care of YOURSELF first. Make sure that all of your basic needs are taken care of first before trying to successfully raise an emotionally healthy child. If you are happy, your child will be happy. All of your emotions reflect onto them. No child should have to take on unhealthy emotions that are not their own. Let them start with a blank slate and create their own emotions. And in order to do that, you need to get out of their way. Don't be a barrier. Be a light. So that when you try to remember what life used to be like, all you will be able to see is how much better it is now.